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FROM TEARS TO SOUVENIRS: The Grotesque Carnival of Modern African Burial
When did a casket become the centerpiece for a carnival? When did the solemn lowering of a loved one into the earth mutate into a high-stakes competition of caterers, live bands, and souvenir distributions?
We are witnessing the death of grief. Right before our eyes, a sacred cultural pillar has been rubbished, hijacked by an obsession with pomp and pageantry. The modern funeral has become an extravagant, expensive festival and the heaviest price is being paid by grieving families whose hearts are already broken.
The Sacred Past: When Grief Was Enough
In the tradition we were born into, burials were never expensive. Death was not an occasion for display; it was a solemn passage. A sacred moment. A time for silence, reflection, and, most importantly, communal support.
In those days, a bereaved household was not even permitted to cook. It was strictly forbidden to ignite a fire in a home under mourning. The community understood a fundamental truth: the weight of grief is enough.
Paternal and maternal relatives took responsibility. They cooked in their own homes and brought food to the grieving family. The message was profound and clear: You have lost someone. Sit. Mourn. We will carry you through this.
The Extravagant Present: Consuming the Bereaved
Today, that beautiful solidarity has been completely distorted. Bereaved homes have been transformed into chaotic banquet halls where people go simply to eat, drink, and be entertained.
Guests now arrive not to console, but to consume!
We have all seen it: attendees quarreling over portions of meat, complaining about the slowness of the ushers, and audaciously measuring the “success” of a burial by the temperature of the drinks and the quality of the live band. The grieving family is no longer allowed to mourn; they are forced to become event planners and hosts for uninvited revelers.
The Souvenir Syndrome
Perhaps the most jaw-dropping evolution is the expectation of gifts. There is now an unspoken and sometimes loudly spoken adamant demand that the grieving family must distribute souvenirs. Umbrellas, plastic basins, customized notebooks, and expensive fabrics are handed out as though death were a milestone birthday or a wedding.
These are strange practices. They are entirely alien to the ways the our forebears mourned.
Instead of wrapping our arms around the bereaved, we are wrapping them in crushing debt. Families are compelled and cajoled to taking out loans, selling off lands, and draining their life savings just to fund a flamboyant send-off to satisfy the insatiable appetite of the public. We are punishing people for losing their loved ones.
Restoring the Dignity of Death
When we speak of restoring the ways of our fathers and reclaiming our cultural dignity, this grotesque distortion must be front and center of the conversation.
Funerals were never meant to be parties.
They were meant to be moments of dignity.
Moments of solidarity.
Moments of shared humanity.
If we truly honor the dead, let us stop punishing the living. It is time to return mourning to its rightful place: sacred, simple, and communal. We must strip away the carnival tents, silence the party drums, and relearn how to simply sit and weep with those who weep.
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